Empowered Indifference: Freedom in letting go

As a recovering ‘people-pleaser’, I was introduced to the saying ‘not my circus, not my monkey’s’ only a few years ago and to this day I can still hear the first person who utter this phrase to me and yes, I still giggle.

This seemingly throw away line, which stems from a Polish saying and was used for comedic affect at the time, was brimming with profundity. And while I cannot promise this was the intention of the sharer, not a truer word could have been spoken at a time when I was gathering the world’s issues into my aura, the weight bearing down on my rather broad shoulders.

Have you ever had this feeling, like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders? Like every expectation, every judgment, and every passing comment gets lodged deep into your brain and soul, demanding emotional rent? You seek every opinion and blindly follow? Welcome to the modern dilemma—caring too much about things that ultimately don’t serve us.

It’s all too much sometimes, isn’t it! But what if you gifted yourself the time to hang upside down and ponder for a bit. Pondering about what if true empowerment comes from deliberate indifference and not from control? And no, I don’t mean the "I-don’t-care-about-anything" attitude, more the Stoic-inspired, intuitive, mindful detachment from things that drain your energy, true meaning of indifferent.

Being indifferent is such a empowering choice in my world. Such a freeing choice. A choice of graceful acceptance. Choosing freedom in letting go.

It was during a recent client mentoring session that I had an AHA moment too. Love this when this happens! We were discussing the outcome of our sessions – being ditching the need for external validation and truly accepting herself and her thoughts and her soul nudges.

It was in this moment discussing the difference between true empowerment and someone deciding to ‘empower you’ – a hackles raising concept for this Elegant Rebel – which led me to ponder about how embracing empowered indifference could be the secret weapon for embracing a calmer, more fulfilling life.

So where does this concept of indifference stem from and how does it link to being your empowered, elegantly rebellious self? Great questions!! To spin Shakespear a wee bit, let’s ‘read of McDuff…’

Stoicism and the Wisdom of Indifference

The ancient Stoics had this figured out centuries ago. The core idea? Some things are within your control—your thoughts, actions, responses. And then there’s everything else—other people’s opinions, the weather, random life events—all completely outside your influence. Worrying about them? A waste of precious energy!

The Stoic philosopher Epictetus famously said: ‘Some things are up to us, and some things are not.’ This is the foundation of empowered indifference: tuning out the noise and channelling energy where it actually matters.

Empowerment as an Extension of Intuition

Think of empowerment as owning your intuition. You already have an internal compass guiding you toward what feels right and what feels like unnecessary drama. We all know I call these soul nudges! The trick is listening to your soul nudges.

We can allow overthinking and external pressures drown out our soul nudges. For example, have you ever noticed how stress often comes from overthinking other people’s perceptions? The internal tug-of-war of “Should I say this?” “What if they think that?” — it's exhausting!

Empowered indifference means trusting your soul nudges, your gut, your inner knowing, your inner wisdom, your intuition – whatever label you give it, and moving forward without second-guessing.

It’s about choosing not to react to distractions, letting go of external validation, and learning that your worth isn’t dependent on anyone else’s perception. It’s also remembering that a thought is simply that – a thought. It’s not a fact and when you stop reacting to external noise, you create space for your true self to lead the way.

Practical Strategies to Embrace Empowered Indifference Daily

Empowered indifference isn’t about shutting down—it’s about choosing where to invest your energy. Want to practice empowered indifference? Try these daily strategies:

1. The 5-5-5 Rule – Ask yourself: Will this matter in 5 minutes, 5 days, or 5 years? If not, let it go. Perspective is power.

2. Preserve your focus – Social media? Cut the noise. Toxic conversations? Redirect. Your mind is a garden—don’t let weeds take over.

3. Respond, not react – The power of the pause! Pause before reacting. Breathe, reflect, and act with intention. This fosters self-mastery and resilience. Pause. Reflect. Act intentionally.

4. Lean into detachment – When faced with criticism or external pressure, take it onboard if valid and requested, but also remind yourself: ‘This is not mine to carry.’ Watch how freeing that feels.

5. Trust your soul nudges – Make decisions based on inner clarity, not external expectations. Trust you know what’s right for you.

6. Declutter your mind – At the end of each day, ask: “Which thoughts served me today, and which drained me?” Identify patterns, rephrase and gift yourself the internal space clearing so you can hear your soul nudges.

7. Less assumption, more peace – People will be people. Instead of taking things personally, default to ‘They’re probably focused on their own stuff.’ Then, move on.

8. Pick your battles – Not every battle is yours to fight. Sometimes walking away is the strongest move.

9. Flip inner narratives – Reframe your inner dialogue. Instead of ‘I messed up’ try ‘That was a learning moment’. Instead of ‘They don’t like me’ try ‘It’s not about me—they’ve got their own stuff going on’.

10. Embrace ‘soft no’s’ without guilt – Practice saying ‘I don’t have the capacity for that right now’ instead of overcommitting. Boundaries protect your energy.

11. The Third-Person perspective trick – Whenever you're emotionally stuck, step outside yourself. Ask, ‘If I were advising a friend in this situation, what would I tell them?’ This reduces impulsive reactions and brings back your ability to listen to your soul nudges and make empowered decisions and choices.

12. Schedule ‘Empowered Indifference’ time – Set aside intentional moments of reflection each day—whether it’s meditation, soul writing, or just sitting in silence. Like any habit, indifference needs practice.

Empowered Indifference Isn’t Apathy—It’s Mastery

At its core, empowered indifference isn’t about not caring—it’s about choosing carefully what deserves your energy. It’s the ultimate mindset shift that allows you to move through life confidently, untangled from unnecessary stress and external validation and with kindness, compassion and grace. You are gifting yourself acceptance in the most elegantly rebellious manner.

So next time you feel weighed down by worries, judgment or unrequested opinions, remind yourself: ‘Not my circus, not my monkeys.’ Then, have a giggle and get back to living a life which brings you joy and actually feels good energetically. Choose freedom and let go!

International Best Selling & Indie Reader Approved Author, Soulful Intuitive Mentor and founder of Elegant Rebel, Peta-Ann inspires and supports neurosparkly and spiritually curious souls to feel safe and heard when unmasking their magic, by following their inner voice instead of societal norms. P-A is late verified neurodivergent and a breast cancer thriver, choosing to stay flat almost a decade ago. She’s also an Oracle Card Author, Holistic Counsellor, Happiness Coach, Colour Therapist, Reiki Master, and Soul Coaching® Oracle Reader.